A letter to the pedestrians of Toronto - Jessica Gilbert

Dear pedestrians,

First of all let me say that this is not meant to be viscous or patronizing in any form, nor do I gain pleasure from telling you what I am about to tell you. This is simply a matter of necessity and I would like to inform the general populous of certain concepts that may have never been introduced through a series of letters.

Turning corners is one of the most important skills you will be required to master in your pedestrian career seeing as more often than not, they exist around…well… every corner. Now, the Toronto layout bears a striking resemblance to that of a grid system and if you want to lead a harmonious existence within our multifaceted metropolis, you’ll have to come to terms with the facts. These bastards are everywhere and they are out to get you. As you approach one you may find yourself blind and bombarded with worries. Is there anyone coming the other way? What if they’re running? What if they’re running with scissors?!
 
I assure you that there is a method of getting through these unharmed. This sudden panic may compel you to stick to that wall like Velcro but you must fight this urge as it is the root of a common misconception.

You are not Pac-man. No one will be impressed by how fast you can turn a corner and unless there is a convex mirror mounted at that pivoting point, please take caution.

This common malpractice has led to many collisions and spilt coffees that could be easily avoided if only you would round out your trajectory but a fraction! Implementing this method is well worth it and though doing it takes some effort, it benefits everyone. If you are late, you won’t be any later; if you’re angry you won’t piss off anyone else; if you are an oblivious klutz, no one will be the wiser!

Like I said before this is the most crucial aspect of pedestrian navigation and I know this seems hard but it gets easier from here. So until my next letter I implore you to try your best. Think about it Toronto.